I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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