I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize