Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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