I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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