you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
