Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
