I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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