Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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