I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize