So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
