If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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