Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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