every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
