just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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