Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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