Do you still have your period?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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