I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
