You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
