I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
