Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
