She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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