I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
