i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
