If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
