Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
