If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
