It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
