I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
