And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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