I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
