So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
