Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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