how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
