If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
