the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
