there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
