i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
