Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
