I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
