I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
