Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
