I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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