So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
