Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
