Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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