life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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