You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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