I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
