the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize