We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
