just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
