I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
