Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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