i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
