it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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