why do cheetos always look like penises
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
