to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
