I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
