I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
