a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this boner is exhausting
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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