He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
