A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
