Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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