do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
