Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
