my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
