nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
