im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
