I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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