he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
