He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
