I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
