But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Someone came in the potted fern
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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