well you can't waste a boner
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
