That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
