If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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