I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize