I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
