Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
