If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
