I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
