I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
