My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
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In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
we should paint friendship bongs
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